Change

So I decided to change my blog name to something more realistic.
It's pretty fitting cause there are always dishes in my sink & I always have thoughts
To think.

I have to say composing this particular post is not as satisfying for two reasons:
1) I am posting it using my mobile device and so the sound of my fingers touching
The keys is not as I had hoped. There is something about the sound of typing.
It seems most legit!
2) it's 2am & I can't sleep as usual!
Which prompted the blog name change. My consistent nonsleepless nights are the result of
dishes in the sink and the many thoughts my brain decides to think .

#2 Spreading my wings

So I have been on my own now for about 3 months and it has been difficult yet rewarding. Ive been given an opportunity to really look at my life and see honestly how I am doing esp spiritually. Thinking back to the past couple of years I have definitely slowed down spiritually.

Alot of different things in my family happened that definitely affected me. My mom being sick for 3 years and then dying a few months ago definitely turned my world upside down. I thought "Ok I can get through this, obviously with the help of Jehovah and the congregation" But sad to say the scripture in Eccl 7:7 proved true in my family after that great loss. "For mere oppression may make a wise one act crazy"

Then after years of desiring to be independent and move out on my own and many times thinking to myself maybe this year is a good time to move but then really then it wasnt...it finally clicked in my head and I felt at peace with my decision to move out of my dad's. I felt as if all the angels in heaven were clapping and Jehovah's smile of approval was on my decision. It was an easy decision yet very difficult.

Now after looking back at these past couple of months out on my own I truly appreciate my relationship with Jehovah more. He has proven to be a source of support and really takes good care of me. Especially through the congregation. Its amazing how much the friends want to take care of me. Its almost overwhelming at times. Im not complaining its really a great feeling to feel so loved! Especially after loosing my mom

who was a tremendous example of love and not having it around anymore pained me to the core! The scripture in Mark 10:30 has proven to be true in my case. That whatever we leave or lack esp for me family wise cause basically I am on my own in the truth, that I will gain mothers and fathers etc. And that is so evident in my case. I fall in love with Jehovah all over again everytime I am a recipient of the love shown to me by the brothers and sisters in the congregation.

so the conlcusion of the matter after everything being considered is that: I love Jehovah and he is really taking good care of me.

My Mother

Lately I have come to find out how much I love my mom! Even after all her crazy antics and weirdness and all the arguments and fights it amazes me how much of bond I have with her. I am in love with so many things she says and does that sometimes only I understand but its ok. I love watching her wash dishes, there is something about the way she washes them that brings me so much peace. I remember watching her in our old outside kitchen, no matter what I was doing I would stop and take a couple minutes to watch her. Now at the age of 24 every time I am feeling stressed or overwhelmed I occasionally will flashback to that time and it really comforts me. It is a strange thing, but it really warms my heart. I also love watching her write. She has the most beautiful handwriting. It is such a beautiful thing to watch her write anything...even though she writes pain stakingly slow and at times it irritates the heck out of me I still find it to be a beautiful process. I love the way she smells. She smells like Eternity perfume by Calvin Klein. Its like even though she doesnt wear that perfume anymore its like it is embedded into her skin forever for ETERNITY. I love when she scratches my back. I also LOVE her weirdness and find most everyday that alot of why the way I am in a weird sense is because of her. I dont know where to begin to try to explain how weird she is. She is probably the best mom in the world!

So I started this blog about a month ago and I neglected to finish it. I really wanted my mom to read this but sadly she fell asleep in death. I know she is in the best possible place right now, in Jehovah's memory awaiting to be awaken from death into the new world. Oh how I long for the day to see her and hug her again!

First BLOG!

So I was quickly inspired by Joel Kanda to start a blog. Thanks!

Alot of my posts will consist of the weird inner workings of my brain. If you are a close friend of mine you may already understand how that works in my case. So to any reading my future blogs I apologize in advance.

Hmmm...so doing this blog reminds me of the movie "Julie and Julia" I love that movie! It is so funny cause my favorite parts of the movie were when the camera panned into her typing her blog and watching as her thoughts traveled so quickly to her fingers which in turn tapped on the keys and ended up on her computer screen and then into the eyes and brains of those who read her blog. Ever since I was a little kid I loved to watch my mom write anything. It amazed me and still amazes me now how quickly our brain can communicate with our hands to communicate our thoughts into writing. I also have the same fascination with watching secretaries or bank tellers type in information. Sometimes I have to make sure that I am not staring at them.

I am sure there are people out there who totally can relate to me in this regard.

I already have inspiration for my second blog. It will be posted shortly. It is funny cause as of RIGHT now I have no followers for my blog but I am blogging as if someone is reading it at this very moment. I am most excited to start having an outlet to jot my thoughts down and hopefully it can act as some sort of therapy for me, like when I used to write in my diary everyday. This will be like my diary only I will not post the secrets...like I have any juicy ones.

Or do I?